Not Good Enough – And Other Lies
I have a special topic today that is very close to my heart.
Every client I work with (Heck! Make that every person I meet if we get into a deep enough conversation) has some deep, dark secret that they are afraid the world will find out.
The secret is something they carry with them every day. It pulls at them and pushes them around.
It gets them doing self-defeating things and mean things and small things.
And it can totally prevent them from becoming who they are capable of becoming and living the life they want to live.
The Secret That Everyone Hides
This secret has many variations and different flavors but it basically goes something like this:
“If you really knew the truth about me you would judge me…reject me …hate me.”
“If you really knew me you would know that…
- I’m not good enough.
- I’m not worthy.
- I’m not lovable.
- I’m a bad person.
- I’m stupid.
- I’m a loser.” (my personal favorite)
You Are Not Alone
Trust me. We are all in the same boat here.
The fact of the matter is that you are unique and special but not because of your fears, doubts or problems. Those are pretty much the same as everyone else’s.
“You are unique and special but not because of your fears, doubts or problems. Those are pretty much the same as everyone else’s.”– Coach Joelle Prochera
So let’s take a look at this.
If EVERYONE thinks they are broken in some way then maybe, just maybe, we can relax a little and stop trying to hide it from each other.
Maybe there is some freedom in owning up to the fact that there is some small, sad voice – or a raging tyrant – inside of me that says, “I don’t measure up!”
Imagine a world where we all had t-shirts that stated, “The shitty part of my brain thinks I am a loser” or “a coward” or “evil”.
And then maybe we would begin to realize that this is not the truth about us. It is just part of the human condition.
We could have a good laugh about it, share our stories and affirm the good in each other because, let’s face it, if everyone thinks they are a little broken, then doesn’t that kinda make us all ok?
Or at least doesn’t that seem to open the door up a little bit to stop being so darn hard on ourselves?
Now maybe you are thinking, “But no, Joelle. I really am not good enough and I have to remember that and focus on it because it is the only way I will get better. “
I get it. I was there once – recording every stumble, rehashing every misstep over and over in my head, thinking that if I just learned enough, was careful enough – etc. etc. , blah, blah, blah – then I could be good enough. But it is a lie.
And it is time to put this lie to rest once and for all.
Take The Lie Detector Test:
So let’s break it down and see if this thought is serving you or sabotaging you.
A. Take out a fresh piece of paper and write the #1 thing you think is wrong with you at the top
(not good enough, not smart enough etc.)
B. Below that, start two lists:
At the top of one list write: “How this thought has helped me.”
At the top of the second write: “How this thought has hurt me.”
C. Now start filling them in. Try to get as many examples as you can under each list.
Go ahead and give it a shot.
Now you likely came up with something like this…
“I think that I am a bad person”
List 1) How This Thought Has Helped Me:
- I am extra careful to never hurt anyone.
List 2) How This Thought Has Hurt Me:
- I am afraid of hurting people most of the time so I tend to stay small and keep quiet.
- I feel bad about myself a lot of the time.
- I often feel disappointed in myself.
- I keep my distance from relationships even though I desperately want to be close to people.
- I often feel small, timid and hesitant when it comes to reaching out to new people or sharing myself with others.
- I feel alone and isolated.
I don’t know about you but my first list is pretty short and my second list is pretty darn long.
I remember the day when I really “got it” that thinking these crummy thoughts had no merit.
I realized that hating myself was not going to make me a better person….
That no amount of beating myself up was going to get me connected to my full power…
And that if I focused on those crummy thoughts enough, it practically GUARANTEED that I would never get to be happy, fulfilled or live the life that I wanted….
So, I gave it up.
I let go of the idea that these thoughts served any good in my life.
I vowed that when they came up I would see them for the lies they are and would instead focus on a new thought that made me feel good, gave me energy and propelled my life forward.
It’s Time To Start Living Your Truth
So, are you ready to stop living the lie?
You can decide right now to stop listening to that mean, sad, self-defeating little voice once and for all.
You can guard yourself with the truth that nothing big, awesome or inspiring ever came from that voice.
And from there, refocus on thoughts that fill you up and give you strength and power.
The universe doesn’t make mistakes.
I am perfectly designed to fulfill on what I came here to fulfill on in this lifetime.
Or the more simple but equally effective:
I am good.
I am lovable.
I am worthy.
I am enough.
You Have A Choice
So here you stand at a fork in the road.
You can choose the lie and keep listening to the destructive voices… keep acting like the broken part in you is about you instead of accepting that this is the human condition and part of what makes you just like every other person on the planet.
Or you can accept that, just like every other person on the planet, you are worthwhile, important and worthy of love.
You can choose the path of truth and light.
You can choose to have a zero-tolerance policy on your “stinking thinking”.
You can shut the door on your mean, little voice and choose not to open it, even and especially when you are feeling down.
It’s Time To Choose Kindness, Gentleness, and Self-Love
Go ahead. Choose.
It may not seem that simple but it is.
Easy? Ahhhh… no. I am not saying it’s easy.
Even once you make the choice the voice will still be there.
And it will show up at the most inconvenient times…
When you try something new.
When you take a risk.
When you give your best and fail.
It will lie in waiting, ready to point out why you suck and the depth of your suckitude.
In fact, the journey of quieting this hurtful voice may take you the rest of your life but I can tell you this….
If, from this point, on you remember your choice…
and you use your beautiful brain to focus on what is awesome about you…
to use the best in you to fulfill on your dreams…
to say kind and wonderful things to yourself…
your life will get better.
And, in time, the voice will get quieter and quieter and show up less and less frequently and you will feel more and more free.
“Once you make the choice the voices will get quieter and quieter and you will feel more and more free.”
Practice The New Truth About You
So here is what I need you to do:
1) Dare to make the choice to shut down your mean, little voice once and for all.
Go ahead. Do it now.
Feeling better already, aren’t you?
2) Choose your new truth.
Choose at least one supportive thought that you are going to practice, focus on and believe about yourself. You will know you have a good one when it makes you feel strong, opens your heart and has you stand a little taller. Then watch for the small and big ways that your life rises up and changes for the better (because it will).
3) Post it where you can’t miss it.
Post it up on your wall. Place it on your phone home screen. Write it on the palm of your hand. Put it wherever it will help, and particularly where you tend to need extra reminders (a sticky on your computer screen goes a long way).
“I am dumping the lie. From here forward I will have zero tolerance for the voice that says “I am not good enough”.
My new truth is that I TOTALLY (happy expletive) ROCK! I am a light in the world and I love myself!” 🙂
Oh ya. That feels good!
If only you knew how awesome you really are, how lovable, how essential and how sacred your life is, well, you would never say another mean thing about you, my friend.
Love yourself, own your power, and live the life you came here to live.
It starts now.
Ready to dig a little deeper into the Mindset side of Magic? You will love my favorite mindset tool SEE BE DO GET and learn a little bit about about my brain’s role in searching for love while you are at it. Check it out here.
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