Have you ever done one of those exercises where you write out what you would do if you won the lottery? Or, perhaps it asked you "what you would do if you had unlimited time, money and resources"? Or maybe you have heard it as "what would you do if you only had 6 months to live?"
Well, I have done that a couple of times over the years and I can go back as early as 1995 and the clear consistent is this one line "I would have my mother with me."
I find it so intriguing how even as a girl in her 20's having my mom close has been a part of my big vision, a critical part in the equation and yet we have not shared the same community since I was 17.
Now don't get me wrong, we have an incredible relationship, me and mom, and we talk all the time. At least once a day I am on the phone with her sharing – sometimes 3 or 4 times. (chuckle).
She is my confidant and my rock. She is a space for me to share my life, to declare epiphanies and sort out the meaning of life. She is my very best friend.
We often laugh at what a needy daughter she has and what on earth would I ever do without her. What on earth indeed!
Recently my mother told me that she was having something checked out at the doctor. She told me that it was standard procedure and that everything should be fine.
When my mother told me of her surgery date I was peaceful. I had full knowledge that they would find nothing interesting, this would be standard procedure and my job right now was to support, love and encourage her. There was not a concern in my mind only strength and clarity.
I had even fantasized in my mind how I could be the rock, peaceful and supportive through anything with her no matter what the verdict. And then, out of nowhere I had an experience that has changed my view of everything.
A thought came to me. It was a quiet thought and while I did not stay there long, it was a momentary vision of my life without my mom. And it was the saddest thing I could ever imagine. The emptiness, the loss, the hole in my heart. Wow.
I know I have many years with my mom to play and create and share. And now I also have an inkling of what it must have felt like for my mom to lose my dad.
I have the tiniest idea of why parents are devastated, often for life, at the loss of a child and I am making a personal promise to myself, to those I love and to those I support to have endless space, compassion and love for those who are mourning.
But I am not here to talk about death. No. It is through this moment of sadness that I have the greatest clarity about life. Beyond everything this world has to offer, my relationships are the single most significant thing for me.
I love my husband passionately. My sister is my partner in creation. My close friends are my lifeline and my mother is my rock. Without these people my life would have little significance or meaning and it is unacceptable for us to be separate.
I am declaring the intention today that I am creating a place and a way to have my loved ones near me, to create community, to be close and to create life together. I cannot tell you what it looks like, only that it will happen, and not someday but starting now. And I am beginning with my mom.
The invitation: I invite you to notice the role of those you love in your life. Take time to acknowledge their significance to you and tell them.
Pick up the phone and tell someone you love them right now. Make plans with someone you care about. Make time for your people for they make your life.
Gotta go, I'm going to call my mom!!