If we’ve known each other for awhile, you no doubt have heard me expound the virtues of SEE BE DO GET, a simple but mind-blowingly effective model that can be used for everything from growing your income to getting along with your mother-in-law.
When I first began practicing this model 7 years ago it did remarkable things for my mindset, removing my negative and disempowered thinking and replacing it with optimism and a crystal focus on what I wanted from life.
Through the practiced use of this model I began to see life forming according to my vision, new success and accomplishments abounded and my daily life began to take on a much more peaceful, happy and joyful tone.
This week I have illustrated this impactful model through part 1 of a 2 part saga called the “MECCA OF MEN” Story, a detailed account of my own quest to overcome the self-defeating thoughts that thwarted me on the path to finding love.
Enjoy reading about my journey through the jungles of my own mental mess and get this model creating magic in your life.
P.S. If you want to hear more about the MECCA OF MEN and other powerful tools to access the magic in your life, check out my new CD An Introduction To Passionate Powerful Living. It is an awesome launching tool to begin creating life you love.
SEE BE DO GET And The Mecca of Men
The Wake Up Call
Sometimes life just grabs you by the neck and says “WAKE UP! This isn’t working!”
These inevitable reality checks are not always welcome in the moment but at the end of the day I have found they are essential to living a good life.
This particular wake-up came through a routine experiment, a journey into new awareness through a common personal development exercise.
The task: to interview peers and friends to gain insight into what kind of person they thought I was.
The first few conversations had gone brilliantly! All good news. Whew!
Not to say I wasn’t open to a healthy dose of constructive feedback, but I would be lying if I said that I wouldn’t have been happy with all A’s.
Fortunately for me, and for any hope I had for true love, a perfect score was not in the cards.
Continued from the Livloud! Newsletter
This day there was an important bit of information which needed to be divulged, no matter how brutal; A piece of information that would light a fire under my proverbial romantic butt and shift the course of my life forever.
It started innocently enough. It was cappuccinos and conversation at a nearby Starbucks with a friend. As we prepared to get down to the business at hand I was interested to hear her words, reflecting back to me the person I had become.
But, like I said, I was in for a bit of a surprise.
“Deanna, thank you for joining me. As I mentioned on the phone, the intention of this conversation is to gain insight into your personal perspective of me, who I am and what I stand for in the world.”
I shared this in my most open and inviting tone and continued.
“Please do not hesitate to speak your truth, and know that you will not hurt my feelings. I will not hold anything you say against you so just speak freely.”
She said she understood. We began.
“Question 1: What do you know about me?”
I waited calmly for her answer, pen in hand, an eager look on my face. And there it was, right out of the gate.
“Well, one thing that I know about you”
She began casually
“is that you have terrible luck with men. You have had some major relationship issues!”
I maintained a calm demeanor and willed my heart to stay in my chest as my mind was swept into a frenzy with this latest news flash. Woah! Ok! Of all the things this woman knew about who I was in the world, the number one thing at the top of the “stuff I know about Joelle list” was that my love life is a debacle?
This is how people see me? Really?! Not that I am a great coach, not that I am a loving friend, not that I had a keen sense of style but that my romantic life was a mess?!!
Joelle Prochera, Life Coach, Speaker, entrepreneur, romantic disaster. Ugh!
It All Comes Down To “Stinkin’ Thinkin’”
Deanna’s candidness set me on a journey to uncover the root of my relationship problems and my tendency towards "serial monogamy" – going from one long term relationship with an unsuitable suitor to the next.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but despite my intense desire to find and keep that one special guy, my relationships were doomed to fail.
You see, I was living with a disempowering, union-trashing perspective that even the most dashing prince charming was powerless against. It seemed I had to first slay my own dragons or suffer a lifetime of mediocre relationships and inevitable breakups.
The culprit to all of my relationship woes was a particular unpleasant thought I harbored.
This thought was that “I was a geek" and a "loser" (I would never call anyone else these names, but these are the names that stayed with me), I was not good enough and I was afraid that if I approached some man I really liked that they would look down their nose at me, shout “get away from me you geek!” and go after some hot, cool girl.
Pretty juvenile, huh? Petty, harsh and unfair, but such is often the case with our untrained minds and our self-defeating beliefs.
If I was going to get past my thinking and get on with finding a the man of my dreams I was going to have to get the true impact of continuing down the mental path I was on.
The SEE BE DO GET model.
Four little words SEE BE DO GET and the problem became quite clear.
Let me elaborate.
The basic premise of the SEE BE DO GET Model is that your thoughts or perspective (SEE) shape your feelings (BE) and action (DO) to produce a result (GET) in alignment with it.
With this in mind it was suddenly no mystery why my relationships were not working out.
Let's take a look at what was going on:
SEE – what you SEE (Your Perception or view of the world)
My perception or my particular view of things was that I was a geek and not cool enough and anyone I would want to date would not want to date me.
Also, I saw dateable men as a little dangerous. They could "reject" me. If I took the risk of going after these “dangerous” men I would give them the power to prove that I was truly "not good enough" should they choose not to date me.
BE – your way of being ("be happy" "be sad" "be passionate")
This concern and insecurity lead me to BE hesitant, a little shy, awkward and desperate (yes, completely and utterly desperate.)
DO – What you do (Your action or inaction.)
Believe me walking around hesitant, shy and desperate is not good news when you are trying to get a date. My insecurity showed up in awkward conversations and personal compromises.
It lead me to avoid talking to men I was attracted to and if I did talk to them I was not myself. I was uncomfortable and I was trying too hard.
It lead me to enter into long-term committed relationships with men simply because they would have me even when I knew we were clearly not a match.
GET – What you get (your results)
What I got was a perpetual cycle of difficult and often disappointing long- term relationships that ended in the inevitable breakups. I fell into one 6-month relationship after the next, never getting any closer to finding someone with whom I could spend my life.
Without this insight, this clarity of how my thoughts and my personal view of myself was shaping my life I might have been left thinking that “there are no good men” or “all the good ones are taken” or the, oh so dramatic “Why is life so UNFAIR?”
Thank goodness for me, I was exposed to these concepts so that I could actually understand that it wasn't all the men that were the problem.
Nope, the blame for my sad dating situation sat squarely on my own shoulders and it had nothing to do with the afore mentioned “geeky-ness”.
Clearly, I was hiding out, playing small, being less than.
I was not honoring my own value and I was walking around like the insecure 13- year-old I had once been and not the competent, strong woman I had become.
I was putting myself in unfortunate situations with men I had no business being with. Not fair to them, not fair to me and it was not going to cut it anymore.
The good news is that once I uncovered the source of my smallness and my disempowerment I realized that a slight attitude adjustment might just get me on the track to love and happiness.
Next week I will share how I turned things around and how you can too, but in the meantime, you can use the SEE BE DO GET model to reveal what thoughts might be holding you back. Knowledge is power so get to it!
Take a Look at your goals and dreams, your relationships and your life in general. Notice your current thought patterns, your beliefs and your perspectives (SEE) and particularly notice any thoughts that might be in conflict or would stand in the way of what you want.
Referencing the SEE BE DO GET example above identify how those thoughts are making you feel (causing you to BE).
Notice what action you are taking and what you are avoiding, the conversations you are having and not having (DO).
Notice the results you are getting (GET). Can you see how your results are in some ways tied to your thoughts and perspective? Is it time for a new point of view?
If you are not thrilled with where your current perspective is taking you, do not fear, we are only getting warmed up.
Thanks to a little SEE BE DO GET action, my love story has a happy ending. By the end of it I was walking up to strangers and asking for dates at Starbucks – but I am getting ahead of myself. Before I did anything so bold as make eye contact with an eligible bachelor, I first had to undergo a major mental make-over.
Next week I’ll share how I did it and how you can do it too.
See you next Week for part 2!