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Hi guys!
Last week we explored a powerful model that was instrumental in illuminating some of my personal stumbling blocks on my way to love. If you recall, I was shocked to find that all my broken relationships were not the fault of the myriad men I had dated but, in fact, were due to my own insecurities and fears.
Fortunately SEE BE DO GET came to the rescue showing me the error of my thinking and illuminating how a new point of view can turn everything around.
If you are joining us part way through the story you can get caught up by reading Part One here.
As our saga continues, you will learn how I found my way out of romantic self-sabotage and into a whole new world of men and dating (a Mecca of Men in fact!)
As you hear my tale remember, this model works in any life situation, not just for those who are amorously clueless, so consider as you are reading how you could use this model to chart a course to something bright shiny and new for you.
See what happens next as I do away with desperation and own my capacity to find great love without compromise.
Enjoy!
Joelle
SEE BE DO GET And The Mecca of Men Part 2
Here's where we left off.
If you recall… my thoughts of being geeky and undesirable were affecting my confidence and having me show up small. I was compromising myself, afraid to go after what I really wanted and I was leaving a wake of broken relationships and hurting partners in my path.
Not to mention, this behavior was getting me no closer to finding lasting, hang-out-on-the-porch-holding-hands-when-you’re-90 love.
It was time to get over myself and get on with the lovin’. So I took the SEE BE DO GET model, began at the end and started working backwards.
Here’s how it went.
SEE BE DO GET – Reverse Engineering
I didn’t like the results I was producing in my relationships so it was time to step back, start with the end in mind…and ask, what DID I want to get?
GET – What do you want to GET? (Your outcome or end result)
What I wanted to GET was a delightful life partner who cherished me. I wanted to find the man or better yet, be found by the man who would light my eyes up and make my heart sing. I wanted the guy who matched "My list” (and oh yes, I had a list). I had a BIG LIST but it just isn’t much use when you toss the list in the trash on the first date!
DO – What could you DO? (Your action or inaction.)
We will come back to the DOING in a minute.
BE – How would you need to BE? (i.e. "be happy" "be sad" "be passionate")
If I wanted to get my result, how did I need to BE? What ways of BEing would make my result possible – because being shut down, shy and desperate wasn't it!
Here is what I came up with:
Being: Loving, Open, Courageous, Comfortable, and Out There (all me all the time)
Ah, that’s more like it!
Next!
SEE – Your new point of view or perspective (Your Perception or view of the world.)
Which leads us to the question….what perspective or what point of view would support me in "Being Open, Loving, Courageous, Comfortable and Out There?"
Well, I thought about it. Clearly, if I was going to find a man that matched my list I was going to have to believe that:
A) He was out there and
B) He would actually want to date me.
I thought about it a bit and I came up with a pretty bold new perspective (SEE) that I chose to take on.
Are you ready for it? It’s a doozy!
(Drum roll please.)
"ARIZONA IS A MECCA OF MEN WAITING TO ASK ME OUT!"
Yep, that's it.
Now remember! I am not saying this was the truth – who knows what the truth was? What I do know is that this was a much more empowering thought to take me out in the world of dating from a position of strength.
This thought gave me hope and confidence.
There was an abundance of men and they were waiting for me. Bring it on!
So now I want to bring you back to that DO we left empty.
DO
Through my reverse engineering project, I had a new point of view, a new way to SEE the world and I had a new way of BEING (Loving, Open, Courageous, Comfortable) and suddenly, I had a whole new world of action and DOing available to me!
For instance…
If I saw a man I was attracted to, I could actually look him in the eye, and more than that, I could go up to him and talk to him and if I was moved to do so I could even, (gasp!) ask him out!
Suddenly, I was smiling, and talking and meeting men everywhere and it was easy! I felt good about myself because I was no longer afraid of them running screaming from the “geek”! From my new point of view, they had, after all, been waiting for me to show up so I had nothing to fear.
I was even feeling so brazen that one day I was sitting in Starbucks and I had the revelation that I could walk into any coffee shop and walk out with a date!
Wow! What a concept, hanging out on a Tuesday, sipping my Grande decaf soy cappuccino, doing a little work and I could get a date! Wild Stuff!
And then I took it a step further.
I realized that even if there were no eligible men in the in the vicinity, with my new attitude, I could walk up to a happy-looking couple and say,
"Hi! My name is Joelle and I noticed you guys seem really happy. I am looking for an incredible guy so that I can have a loving long-term relationship and I was wondering if you have anyone in your life that I just HAVE to meet? Oh and by the way, here’s my list."
Now, I never actually did say this but I realized that I could have if needed and that’s what counts.
So what did all these bold actions, empowering thoughts and new ways of being do for me?
Well for starters I was asked on 5 dates in the first week (and this from a girl who previously didn't know how to date – I just knew how to get committed) and over the next 12 months I came to feel comfortable in my skin.
I learned to love and appreciate myself and I had the courage to hold out for my list.
I was truly ready to meet someone wonderful who made my heart swell and who cherished and loved me deeply.
And then….. I married him.
The Invitation:
Your turn! What do you want? Really!
Now, GET DO BE SEE your way into a new point of view that will support you in having it.
1) GET: Start with your new result. What do you want to GET.
Skip over DO until the end.
2) BE: Ask yourself “How would I need to BE to even have a chance of getting that result?”
You will find that it is often diametrically opposed to how you were BEing around the situation previously and this clarity often brings with it a major Ah Ha! It certainly did for me in the story above.
3) SEE: Ask yourself “What new thought, point of view or perspective would naturally allow me to BE the way that I have chosen to BE?”
This can take some work. I was able to go big declaring the world a MECCA OF MEN and me as highly sought after – I was feeling pretty bold that day – but for you it might be something more subtle like “There is someone for me, we are destined to find each other and that special person will love me exactly as I am.” Either would work so just find a thought that actually lines up with what you want instead of opposing/repelling it.
4) DO: Finally, with your new point of view and your new way of BEing, you can identify the new and sometimes previously unimaginable action available to produce your result.
I love this model. It changed my life and I watch it work miracles with my clients everyday (no joke.)
Use it, practice it.
Create your own Mecca of men, abundance of opportunity, bounty of boldness or plethora of possibilities and allow your new point of view to work its magic in your world.
With Love,
Joelle
Have you ever changed your point of view and it changed your whole life? Leave a comment below and share the inspiration.
July 29th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Hi Coach Joelle.
I just read your two part news letter.
You are absolutely on point with your See Be Do Get model.
Its the power of the mind, I am currently in the midst of some self renewal after ending a really tumultous relationship.
I ask myself all the same questions you did and thought and think the same way you do.
I want to like make this change for myself but I think I am having some disconnect with how to like actually apply the questions to myself.
Do you have any more like quideline questions for each of the categories to target or help individual get at the different steps in the See Be Do Get philosophy?
I really want to make some changes in my life for myself.
What I also take away more and more is that the closer we are to being ourselves completely in each moment the closer we are to achieving what we want.
So I am trying to figure out more concretely what is it that I want. More so what did you do with your list? You became more secure in sustaining your list of non-negotiables or basically your list? You met guys and like just enjoyed those relationships or were you still long term focussed?
THe shift you made was not just simply to get more dates but was it rooted in like changing your whole state of being?
Thats a difficult process to rewrite or redesign yourself to think more confidently? How did you support yourself as you made that shift?
Thankyou for your time.
Your newsletters are very insightful and helpful.
Its so interesting how it just really caught my attention today.
You could also look at using this technique by designing like educational programs I would say for students, not just college but also like high school or junior high. Its so important for young adults to learn how they can value themselves, and have worth and hold strong to their core values, this message and designing workshops that incorporate insight into self worth and value I think would be a great program that could be marketed in numerous ways.
Sahadeo