coachjoelle.com

Hi guys!

Last week we explored a powerful model that was instrumental in illuminating some of my personal stumbling blocks on my way to love.  If you recall, I was shocked to find that all my broken relationships were not the fault of the myriad men I had dated but, in fact, were due to my own insecurities and fears. 

Fortunately SEE BE DO GET came to the rescue showing me the error of my thinking and illuminating how a new point of view can turn everything around.

If you are joining us part way through the story you can get caught up by reading Part One here.

As our saga continues, you will learn how I found my way out of romantic self-sabotage and into a whole new world of men and dating (a Mecca of Men in fact!)

As you hear my tale remember, this model works in any life situation, not just for those who are amorously clueless, so consider as you are reading how you could use this model to chart a course to something bright shiny and new for you.

See what happens next as I do away with desperation and own my capacity to find great love without compromise.

Enjoy!
 

Joelle

SEE BE DO GET And The Mecca of Men Part 2

Here's where we left off. 

If you recall… my thoughts of being geeky and undesirable were affecting my confidence and having me show up small.  I was compromising myself, afraid to go after what I really wanted and I was leaving a wake of broken relationships and hurting partners in my path. 

Not to mention, this behavior was getting me no closer to finding lasting, hang-out-on-the-porch-holding-hands-when-you’re-90 love.

It was time to get over myself and get on with the lovin’.  So I took the SEE BE DO GET model, began at the end and started working backwards.

Here’s how it went.

SEE BE DO GET – Reverse Engineering

I didn’t like the results I was producing in my relationships so it was time to step back, start with the end in mind…and ask, what DID I want to get?

GET – What do you want to GET? (Your outcome or end result)

What I wanted to GET was a delightful life partner who cherished me. I wanted to find the man or better yet, be found by the man who would light my eyes up and make my heart sing.  I wanted the guy who matched "My list” (and oh yes, I had a list). I had a BIG LIST but it just isn’t much use when you toss the list in the trash on the first date!

DO – What could you DO? (Your action or inaction.)

We will come back to the DOING in a minute.

BE  – How would you need to BE? (i.e. "be happy" "be sad" "be passionate")

If I wanted to get my result, how did I need to BE? What ways of BEing would make my result possible – because being shut down, shy and desperate wasn't it!

Here is what I came up with:

Being: Loving, Open, Courageous, Comfortable, and Out There (all me all the time)

Ah, that’s more like it!

Next!

SEE – Your new point of view or perspective (Your Perception or view of the world.)

Which leads us to the question….what perspective or what point of view would support me in "Being Open, Loving, Courageous, Comfortable and Out There?"

Well, I thought about it. Clearly, if I was going to find a man that matched my list I was going to have to believe that:

A) He was out there and 

B) He would actually want to date me.

I thought about it a bit and I came up with a pretty bold new perspective (SEE) that I chose to take on.

Are you ready for it? It’s a doozy!

(Drum roll please.)

"ARIZONA IS A MECCA OF MEN WAITING TO ASK ME OUT!"

Yep, that's it.

Now remember! I am not saying this was the truth – who knows what the truth was?  What I do know is that this was a much more empowering thought to take me out in the world of dating from a position of strength.

This thought gave me hope and confidence.

There was an abundance of men and they were waiting for me. Bring it on!
 

So now I want to bring you back to that DO we left empty.

DO

Through my reverse engineering project, I had a new point of view, a new way to SEE the world and I had a new way of BEING (Loving, Open, Courageous, Comfortable) and suddenly, I had a whole new world of action and DOing available to me! 

For instance…

If I saw a man I was attracted to, I could actually look him in the eye, and more than that, I could go up to him and talk to him and if I was moved to do so I could even, (gasp!) ask him out! 

Suddenly, I was smiling, and talking and meeting men everywhere and it was easy! I felt good about myself because I was no longer afraid of them running screaming from the “geek”!  From my new point of view, they had, after all, been waiting for me to show up so I had nothing to fear.

I was even feeling so brazen that one day I was sitting in Starbucks and I had the revelation that I could walk into any coffee shop and walk out with a date!

Wow! What a concept, hanging out on a Tuesday, sipping my Grande decaf soy cappuccino,  doing a little work and I could get a date! Wild Stuff!

And then I took it a step further.

I realized that even if there were no eligible men in the in the vicinity, with my new attitude, I could walk up to a happy-looking couple and say,

"Hi! My name is Joelle and I noticed you guys seem really happy.   I am looking for an incredible guy so that I can have a loving long-term relationship and I was wondering if you have anyone in your life that I just HAVE to meet? Oh and by the way, here’s my list."

Now, I never actually did say this but I realized that I could have if needed and that’s what counts.

So what did all these bold actions, empowering thoughts and new ways of being do for me?  

Well for starters I was asked on 5 dates in the first week (and this from a girl who previously didn't know how to date – I just knew how to get committed) and over the next 12 months I came to feel comfortable in my skin.

I learned to love and appreciate myself and I had the courage to hold out for my list.

I was truly ready to meet someone wonderful who made my heart swell and who cherished and loved me deeply.

And then….. I married him.

The Invitation:

Your turn! What do you want? Really!

Now, GET DO BE SEE your way into a new point of view that will support you in having it.

1) GET: Start with your new result.  What do you want to GET.

Skip over DO until the end.

2)  BE:  Ask yourself “How would I need to BE to even have a chance of getting that result?”

You will find that it is often diametrically opposed to how you were BEing around the situation previously and this clarity often brings with it a major Ah Ha! It certainly did for me in the story above.

3) SEE: Ask yourself “What new thought, point of view or perspective would naturally allow me to BE the way that I have chosen to BE?”

This can take some work. I was able to go big declaring the world a MECCA OF MEN and me as highly sought after – I was feeling pretty bold that day – but for you it might be something more subtle like “There is someone for me, we are destined to find each other and that special person will love me exactly as I am.” Either would work so just find a thought that actually lines up with what you want instead of opposing/repelling it.

4) DO: Finally, with your new point of view and your new way of BEing, you can identify the new and sometimes previously unimaginable action available to produce your result.

I love this model.  It changed my life and I watch it work miracles with my clients everyday (no joke.) 

Use it, practice it.

Create your own Mecca of men, abundance of opportunity, bounty of boldness or plethora of possibilities and allow your new point of view to work its magic in your world.

With Love,

Joelle

Have you ever changed your point of view and it changed your whole life? Leave a comment below and share the inspiration.

Hi Guys!

If we’ve known each other for awhile, you no doubt have heard me expound the virtues of SEE BE DO GET, a simple but mind-blowingly effective model that can be used for everything from growing your income to getting along with your mother-in-law.

When I first began practicing this model 7 years ago it did remarkable things for my mindset, removing my negative and disempowered thinking and replacing it with optimism and a crystal focus on what I wanted from life.

Through the practiced use of this model I began to see life forming according to my vision, new success and accomplishments abounded and my daily life began to take on a much more peaceful, happy and joyful tone.

This week I have illustrated this impactful model through part 1 of a 2 part saga called the “MECCA OF MEN” Story, a detailed account of my own quest to overcome the self-defeating thoughts that thwarted me on the path to finding love. 

Enjoy reading about my journey through the jungles of my own mental mess and get this model creating magic in your life.

With love,

Joelle

 P.S. If you want to hear more about the MECCA OF MEN and other powerful tools to access the magic in your life, check out my new CD An Introduction To Passionate Powerful Living.  It is an awesome launching tool to begin creating life you love.

SEE BE DO GET And The Mecca of Men

The Wake Up Call

Sometimes life just grabs you by the neck and says “WAKE UP! This isn’t working!”

These inevitable reality checks are not always welcome in the moment but at the end of the day I have found they are essential to living a good life.

This particular wake-up came through a routine experiment, a journey into new awareness through a common personal development exercise.

The task: to interview peers and friends to gain insight into what kind of person they thought I was.

The first few conversations had gone brilliantly! All good news. Whew!

Not to say I wasn’t open to a healthy dose of constructive feedback, but I would be lying if I said that I wouldn’t have been happy with all A’s. 

Fortunately for me, and for any hope I had for true love, a perfect score was not in the cards. 

Continued from the Livloud! Newsletter

This day there was an important bit of information which needed to be divulged, no matter how brutal; A piece of information that would light a fire under my proverbial romantic butt and shift the course of my life forever.

It started innocently enough. It was cappuccinos and conversation at a nearby Starbucks with a friend.  As we prepared to get down to the business at hand I was interested to hear her words, reflecting back to me the person I had become.

But, like I said, I was in for a bit of a surprise.

We began…

“Deanna, thank you for joining me. As I mentioned on the phone, the intention of this conversation is to gain insight into your personal perspective of me, who I am and what I stand for in the world.”

I shared this in my most open and inviting tone and continued. 

“Please do not hesitate to speak your truth, and know that you will not hurt my feelings. I will not hold anything you say against you so just speak freely.”

She said she understood.  We began.

“Question 1: What do you know about me?”

I waited calmly for her answer, pen in hand, an eager look on my face. And there it was, right out of the gate. 

“Well, one thing that I know about you”

She began casually

“is that you have terrible luck with men.  You have had some major relationship issues!”

I maintained a calm demeanor and willed my heart to stay in my chest as my mind was swept into a frenzy with this latest news flash.  Woah! Ok! Of all the things this woman knew about who I was in the world, the number one thing at the top of the “stuff I know about Joelle list” was that my love life is a debacle?

This is how people see me? Really?! Not that I am a great coach, not that I am a loving friend, not that I had a keen sense of style but that my romantic life was a mess?!!

Joelle Prochera, Life Coach, Speaker, entrepreneur, romantic disaster. Ugh!

It All Comes Down To “Stinkin’ Thinkin’”

Deanna’s candidness set me on a journey to uncover the root of my relationship problems and my tendency towards "serial monogamy" – going from one long term relationship with an unsuitable suitor to the next. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but despite my intense desire to find and keep that one special guy, my relationships were doomed to fail.

 
You see, I was living with a disempowering, union-trashing perspective that even the most dashing prince charming was powerless against. It seemed I had to first slay my own dragons or suffer a lifetime of mediocre relationships and inevitable breakups.

 
The culprit to all of my relationship woes was a particular unpleasant thought I harbored.

This thought was that “I was a geek" and a "loser" (I would never call anyone else these names, but these are the names that stayed with me), I was not good enough and I was afraid that if I approached some man I really liked that they would look down their nose at me, shout “get away from me you geek!” and go after some hot, cool girl. 

Pretty juvenile, huh? Petty, harsh and unfair, but such is often the case with our untrained minds and our self-defeating beliefs.

If I was going to get past my thinking and get on with finding a the man of my dreams I was going to have to get the true impact of continuing down the mental path I was on.

The SEE BE DO GET model.

Four little words SEE BE DO GET and the problem became quite clear.

Let me elaborate.

The basic premise of the SEE BE DO GET Model is that your thoughts or perspective (SEE) shape your feelings (BE) and action (DO) to produce a result (GET) in alignment with it. 

With this in mind it was suddenly no mystery why my relationships were not working out.

 
Let's take a look at what was going on:

SEE – what you SEE (Your Perception or view of the world)

My perception or my particular view of things was that I was a geek and not cool enough and anyone I would want to date would not want to date me.

Also, I saw dateable men as a little dangerous. They could "reject" me.  If I took the risk of going after these “dangerous” men I would give them the power to prove that I was truly "not good enough" should they choose not to date me.

BE – your way of being ("be happy" "be sad" "be passionate")

This concern and insecurity lead me to BE hesitant, a little shy, awkward and desperate (yes, completely and utterly desperate.)

DO – What you do (Your action or inaction.)

Believe me walking around hesitant, shy and desperate is not good news when you are trying to get a date. My insecurity showed up in awkward conversations and personal compromises. 

It lead me to avoid talking to men I was attracted to and if I did talk to them I was not myself. I was uncomfortable and I was trying too hard.  

It lead me to enter into long-term committed relationships with men simply because they would have me even when I knew we were clearly not a match.

GET – What you get (your results)

What I got was a perpetual cycle of difficult and often disappointing long- term relationships that ended in the inevitable breakups. I fell into one 6-month relationship after the next, never getting any closer to finding someone with whom I could spend my life.

Without this insight, this clarity of how my thoughts and my personal view of myself was shaping my life I might have been left thinking that “there are no good men” or “all the good ones are taken” or the, oh so dramatic “Why is life so UNFAIR?”

Thank goodness for me, I was exposed to these concepts so that I could actually understand that it wasn't all the men that were the problem.

Nope, the blame for my sad dating situation sat squarely on my own shoulders and it had nothing to do with the afore mentioned “geeky-ness”. 

Clearly, I was hiding out, playing small, being less than. 

I was not honoring my own value and I was walking around like the insecure 13- year-old I had once been and not the competent, strong woman I had become.

I was putting myself in unfortunate situations with men I had no business being with.  Not fair to them, not fair to me and it was not going to cut it anymore.

The good news is that once I uncovered the source of my smallness and my disempowerment I realized that a slight attitude adjustment might just get me on the track to love and happiness.

Next week I will share how I turned things around and how you can too, but in the meantime, you can use the SEE BE DO GET model to reveal what thoughts might be holding you back.  Knowledge is power so get to it!

The Invitation:

Take a Look at your goals and dreams, your relationships and your life in general.  Notice your current thought patterns, your beliefs and your perspectives (SEE) and particularly notice any thoughts that might be in conflict or would stand in the way of what you want.

Referencing the SEE BE DO GET example above identify how those thoughts are making you feel (causing you to BE).

Notice what action you are taking and what you are avoiding, the conversations you are having and not having (DO). 

Notice the results you are getting (GET). Can you see how your results are in some ways tied to your thoughts and perspective? Is it time for a new point of view?

If you are not thrilled with where your current perspective is taking you, do not fear, we are only getting warmed up.

Thanks to a little SEE BE DO GET action, my love story has a happy ending.  By the end of it I was walking up to strangers and asking for dates at Starbucks – but I am getting ahead of myself.  Before I did anything so bold as make eye contact with an eligible bachelor, I first had to undergo a major mental make-over.

Next week I’ll share how I did it and how you can do it too.

See you next Week for part 2!

With Love,

Coach Joelle

 Hi guys!

For years I have been nurturing the vision of bringing you an over-the-top retreat experience that could literally change your life. 

Not only did I want to be able to give you access to all of the wonder, insights and tools that I have seen transform people’s lives through professional coaching, but I wanted it to be in a beautiful, nature-filled, relaxing and immersive setting where you could really let go and have the time and mental space to connect to yourself and your dreams and begin to make them real.

I am excited to announce that it’s happening this September 26 – October 2, 2010, when 10 special people will embark on a transformational tall ship sailing adventure to their Amazing Life!

Read all about it, and if your body sighs and your eyes sparkle as you imagine what you might create in your own amazing life, I suggest you meet us in Grenada for a vacation you will never forget!

See you on deck!

Coach Joelle

A Whole New Kind of "You Time"

The moment you place your bare feet on the teak wood deck, the stress of life melts away.

Finally, you have the time to rest, connect, reflect and create without interruption.

You have dreams that have been in hibernation waiting for their time to be made real.

Their time is now.

What would “AMAZING" look like for you?

 

Have you ever taken the time to ask yourself what your version of an “amazing life” would look like?

• Do you dream of a new career but don’t know where to get started

Are you looking for deep soulful love but somehow you keep experiencing
heartbreak?

Do you long for a change in location so you can finally start your dream life but feel too tied down to actually make the change?

Or maybe you just want to be happy, to live with greater freedom in life, greater peace and greater joy.

If you are ready to let go of what has been stopping you from claiming the life you've imagined, you want to be on this ship! Read More

Read More About The Amazing Life Cruise

Hi Guys!

Several years ago I had the pleasure of meeting a brilliant young man whose capacity for risk-taking and his pure tenacity brought him significant entrepreneurial achievement well before the age of 30. 

His name is Mike and, on the outside, Mike was living one heck of a success story but, on the inside, things looked much different.

With his rise came new challenges and Mike found himself alone and in unfamiliar territory. When he looked out to the business community for camaraderie, connection and support he saw nothing but hostile ground.

He found the community leaders were intimidating, aloof and elusive. Even his vendors seemed distant and disrespectful!

As with most things that are not working in our lives, we discovered that Mike had some significant disempowering beliefs he was holding, and I was certain that these were serving as a barrier to him connecting meaningfully with his peers in the business world.

When we dug in we uncovered that Mike saw himself as “an underling and a second-class citizen.”

He was certain that other business owners and the movers and shakers of the world were not only out of reach but decidedly uninterested in someone like him.

These beliefs not only stopped him from taking action and weakened any effort he might attempt but they seemed to put a grey film over his entire being.  

Mike had succumbed to his own life-sucking negative thinking and it would just not do!

To help clear the shadows and reclaim his confidence I walked Mike through a process that I use in the Make Your Life Program called Exorcizing Your Alter Ego. 

In this process we actually pull the negative thoughts right out of your head, and give them an identity.  By distinguishing these thoughts for what they are – a useless blob of inaccurate and unhelpful mental junk – the individual gains a new power to put these thoughts aside instead of believing them and living under their tyranny.

For Mike, when he was able to distinguish the thoughts that were holding him back,  pull them out and get a really good look at them, a huge light bulb went on!

This is what was illuminated….

“I can see it!” Mike exclaimed! “It is as though I have this set of advisors sitting with me around a large table. 

Many of them praise me, acknowledge my successes, see all that I have done and celebrate my potential but…. there is one who is not so generous. 

There is one who sees my limitations.  He tells me I can’t cut it, that the people I want to know want nothing to do with me and that I will fail, crash and burn and leave my employees out on the street without jobs. “

“But get this!” He continues incredulously. “Guess where this guy is sitting? For some reason I gave him the seat at the head of the table!  As though he’s right! As though what he has to say is so much more valid and important than all the good stuff coming from everyone else!! “

It was a powerful insight and a wonderful analogy but Mike wasn’t done. He went on to declare…

“From here forward I will absolutely not let “Doubt” sit at my table!!”

And that moment of clarity, freed his mind and the rest followed (A la En Vogue.)

He wrote it on his wall, looked at it every day and lived by it.

In the following 4 months Mike met more business leaders than he had spoken to over the previous 4 years. 

He was connecting with the city’s movers and shakers and, lo and behold, they were actually excited to know him and collaborate!

Vendors not only found a new responsiveness, they were flying him out to see them, greeting him with limos and taking him out on yachts!

And the business community he had deeply longed to fit into had started congregating at his facility for their social mixers.

The world changed for him and a world of opportunities opened up when he stopped letting doubt sit at his table. 

Who are you letting sit at your table?

As you read about Mike, you no doubt recognized that you have some of your own limiting thoughts rolling around and limiting your life.  If you check in and see who the offender is, can you name him or her?

Is “Doubt” sitting at the head of your table?

Perhaps it’s “Fear”…

Or “Self hatred” (ouch)

Or “Criticism”

(I used to have someone I call “Betty” sitting at the head of my table but now I keep her in a very small box, in an attic in Switzerland!)

The invitation:

Take a few minutes to get in touch with your own self-critic by writing out some of its favorite lines (you know then ones  “you’re not good enough” “you will fail” “nobody likes you”) and then give your new friend a name. 

Recognize that they have no place sitting at your table (much less at the head of it) and reclaim your rightful spot in the seat of honor.

Freedom awaits! (More elbow room too!)

Joelle

Need a little help with those disempowering beliefs?  Connect to your personal power with Coach Joelle's new CD An Introduction To Passionate Powerful Living.  
 

Hello fabulous ones!!

This day has been a long time coming.

It has taken 37+ years of life experience,

20 years exploring and learning in the world of psychology and coaching,

A good 10 (ish) years of being a conscious creator in life…

Not to mention hours in the studio,

The incredibly skilled composing and sound editing of Tiffany Prochera of Swimming Tigress Music

And the brilliant design ability of Ashley Messner, graphic designer extraordinaire, 

to bring you my NEW FABULOUS BUNDLE OF JOY AND EMPOWERMENT…

An Introduction To Passionate Powerful Living CD Audio Program!!

The world is an amazing place and every single one of us has the power to create a life that is meaningful and on-purpose, a life that delights and inspires us.  My intention in creating this CD was to give any person the basic tools to begin to dream their dream, live their truth, access their power and experience the magic that is a natural and readily-available part of the human experience.

Mission accomplished!

Whether you are ready for a new adventure in your life or there is someone you love whom you'd like to see awakened to their personal power and their ability to take charge of their future, this CD is for you.

You can order it today for $21.97 US (Plus shipping and handling) and it would be my greatest pleasure to package it up and send it out to you, or you can download it for $19.75 and start RIGHT NOW!

Order An Introduction To Passionate Powerful Living

May this message of hope and empowerment make a difference in your life and those whom you cherish.  The tools provided in this program have literally transformed every aspect of my life and I watch them work miracles every day in the lives of my clients. It is my honor and pleasure to share them with you.

With Love,

Joelle